Heavy memories of my nightingales

November 22-30, 2014

Another regular day... 9 to 11 am was normal, walking on the caged terrace with four others. Back to my cell to eat, then at 2 pm I went to meet my lawyer in the “parlor” (visiting lawyers’ section). We met in a room with guards outside. I didn't want to read Rania's letter before discussing the case or I'll be emotional and with little focus. I couldn't take Jena's absence and my heart breaks when I remember her. My eyes are wet now... stop it...

Constantly, one has to dodge any thought or idea of feeling/remembering family, friends, and loved ones. The race is always between thinking positively of my loved ones and dodging that thought. One can easily fall into a dark hole if the dodging is not successful.

The weather is cloudy, damp since one or two days ago. The shy sun has left us for good.

I got the stuff I ordered last week -- bananas, almonds, garlic (yes garlic), yogurt (2 kinds), and cheese. They didn't find lemon today. Maybe later. I guess I exhausted much of my canteen. I went alone to the terrace this pm (2 to 4). I read more of the novel “Half of a Yellow Sun”. I'm afraid I might finish the last 200 pages sooner than I had thought.

Jo Wood ordered a book for me, “Benign Bigotry”, that arrived today. It's in the social psychology area. Thanks Jo. It is the first book that I've received. There was one football game that I caught half way.

I stayed up late and kept the lights on, so I wasn't sure how many times the guards came to turn the lights on. I read a big chunk of the novel while watching an after midnight special program. More quietness around. Life goes on with heavy memories of my nightingales. I miss every one of them. I'll not allow myself to think again...

Still there's no way to make phone calls. I must wait one full week from last Thursday when I charged my account 10 Euros. I didn't know this early enough to fill my account with money. I'd love to hear everyone's voices, especially Jena's...

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