I can see you my beloved in these lovely colours

December 14, 2014

Dearest,

I struggle very hard not to think much of you and of the challenges that you face every hour alone with no substantial help. I try to distract myself with every available thing (books, magazines, TV, etc.) so I don’t drive myself to the edge. After years of boycotting TV in Ottawa, I found myself facing it, though not much focusing on it. It’s the soothing poison. I also read, and try to spend the allowed four hours (daily) outside my cell.

I received today four letters: from Bob S., Barbara, Colin, and Jo (accompanied by beautiful pictures of Jena where she paints in one of them). Again they make me happy but I cried when I saw Jena’s sad eyes. I know her when she's not happy... I’d like to thank those great friends, especially the lovely Jo who’s really giving so much, because she’s too much of a great person. Please thank everyone and convey to them all my love.

I’m not sure if I described the place here in detail or I missed something. I'll try again. We spend at least 20 hours a day in our cells. We can do the “promenade” (caged terrace) from 9 to 11 am and also from 2 to 4 pm, unless we want to go to the library (30 yards away from my cell) or to the sports cell (a little larger than a cell).

We are a group of five. We can either walk or do some exercises. The size of the terrace where we “promenade” varies between double the size of a cell (when our number is small) to four times the cell size. Practically it's small. The terrace is on the 4th floor, just a few meters away from my cell. Luckily there is one guy in my group (Jonathan) who likes to exercise. Christopher joins us sometimes. We exercise almost daily. Half the terrace is covered by a ceiling; the other half is covered by chicken fencing. So we can hide under the ceiling part when it rains. It rains a lot but mostly light rain. I heard on TV that this is the first year since the 1880's that it has not snowed until December 14. It's a record and miracles can happen here too!

Here, unlike OCDC [Ottawa Carleton Detention Centre], everyone is responsible for washing his own clothes. People give their dirty clothes to their relatives/visitors who wash them and bring them back on their next visit. People wear their own clothes (no uniforms, which is much better!). You have to buy your own toothpaste, shaving stuff, deodorant, sugar, salt, additional food, and cooking tools if you want. They gave me a plate (porcelain), a bowl (glass), one small glass (for tea or coffee), a big spoon, a small spoon, a big fork, and a small (pen) knife -- all metal.

I have one big plastic container (15 litres) and three small ones (5 litres) to do the washing in. You have to buy washing liquid/powder and dishwashing liquid, shampoo, and soap. You only get those in a small quantity (and quality as well) for free when you arrive; then all costs money. You can order all these (not cheap) things from the canteen (like OCDC) though you don't see what you order until you pay for it. Because of language difficulties, sometimes you end up buying what you didn’t want. Very few people speak English (Chris speaks better than Jonathan and André)...

I’m getting used to French TV (costs 10 Euros monthly)... The telephone is the most costly thing. You transfer money from your account to your telephone account (takes several days for confirmation), then you call and watch the account diminish so fast! (The cost is 1.5 Euros per minute to Canada). I called the lawyer in Paris today as a local call (maybe for 5 minutes) and I paid more than 1.5 Euros. It's a private company which runs the business.

The food is not great. We always receive it on its last day or a day before its expiry date. Still it’s less worse than the food at OCDC. I feel it’s not enough (though I'm not a big bellied guy). You can buy juice or soda, but I only drink water. I couldn’t find black tea yet (only green – rarely though). I thought I ordered some but apparently there's no money in my account. So they ignored my request. Well, I’ll keep the space below for Jena’s card...

Dearest Jena, I coloured this quasi card for you so you may stick this paper on something (cardboard for example) and hang it anywhere you like. I got the idea from “Paroles Aborigenes” in Australia. It's called Yuendumu (1991) by an unknown artist. It says that five people (seated) facing four people (no idea why 5 vs. 4). The transmission of dreams, made orally during ceremonies, from older to younger people (my translation). I found it interesting and beautiful though not sure whether my colouring crayons did a good job. I can see you my beloved in these lovely colours every time I look at them... Hope you like this card. All my love and kisses to dearest Jena.